15 principles why men love bitches

bitch I know most people consider women who read relationship self-help books pathetic and needlessly desperate. I must admit that I had very few expectations when I picked up Sherry Argov’s Why Men Love Bitches.

I certainly was not expecting what I eventually found out. Needless to say, I didn’t know this book was a national bestseller, I embarrassingly found out after I began bragging to a few colleagues about the book. Perhaps not knowing about the book gave me a clearer lens to review the book.

From the onset, I really thought the book would be more in favor of women. I thought the book would give us women, the recipe for why men cheat. After I began reading the first couple of pages,  that was not the case. In essence, Argov chronicled her interactions with men and her observations of others’ relationships with men to create a list of 100 attraction principles that essentially women should follow if they wanted to keep a man.

The book advocates that while it may all be well and good to act nice to men, your nice girl demeanor does not guarantee that you will keep a man. In Argov’s mind, men love women who are assertive, self-assured, empowered, fearless and independent. Argov redefined the age old derogatory word bitch by asserting that a bitch maintains her independence, doesn’t pursue men, is mysterious, leaves a man wanting more, has a sense of humor, maintains self-control, and values herself highly. The book seeks to transform the generous, over-considerate woman, who Argov dubs the doormat into the high demand dream girl aka the Bitch.

To be honest, there were points in the book where I had to question my actions in previous relationships with men. From time to time, the book will have you tossing your head saying, “Oh that’s why it never worked out with him,” or “That’s why he never asked me on a second date.”

I can’t imagine which woman would have the most terrifying time reading this book, the woman who’s been a relationship with her boyfriend for three years who is just beginning to understand why the relationship is stagnant or the single woman who found the answers to why she can’t find the one. I would imagine the single woman may feel a loss of hope.

I would like to go on a limb here and say that Argov was not trying to step on anyone’s toes or terrify anyone when she wrote this book. I think she wanted to empower women to think about how they were killing their relationships. In essence, men love bitches and women need to be bitches to get a man.

I feel so horrible writing that women need to be bitches as I don’t subscribe to the notion that a woman must be submissive to a man and I’ve learnt the hard way that no one likes the uptight, you’ll never be good enough for me woman. Luckily the bitch that the book encourages us to become is nothing like the traditional bitch. Instead, the dream girl bitch is right in the middle of the nice girl and over the zealous sharp-tongued woman.

Between my feelings of disbelief, awe and laughter I’ve pulled out the top 15 reasons from the book that helps to explain why men love bitches. Here are some of my personal favorites.

Essentially men love women who understand that:

Attraction principle 6:

It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.

 

Attraction principle 9:

If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the bitch will prioritize her dignity above all else. 100. The most attractive quality of all is dignity.

 

Attraction principle 10:

When a woman doesn’t give in easily and doesn’t appear docile or submissive, it becomes more stimulating to obtain her.

Attraction principle 15:

Whenever a woman requires too many things from a man, he’ll resent it. Let him give what he wants to give freely; then observe who he is.

 

Attraction principle 21 and 26:

-If a man has to wait before he sleeps with a woman, he’ll not only perceive her as more beautiful, he’ll also take him time to appreciate who she is.

-Bad habits are easier to form than good ones, because good habits require conscious effort. Waiting encourages this effort.

 

Attraction principle 39:

Men don’t respond to words. They respond to no contact.

 

Attraction principle 41:

Men respect women who communicate in a succinct way, because it’s the language men use to talk to one another.

 

Attraction principle 45:

A woman looks more secure in a man’s eyes when he can’t pull her away from her life, because she is content with her life.

 

Attraction principle 52 and 59:

-When you nag, he tunes you out. But when you speak with your actions, he pays attention.

-When you nag, you become the problem, and he deals with it by tuning you out. But when you don’t nag, he deals with the problem.

 

Attraction principle 73 and 77:

Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself or speak your mind. It will not only earn his respect, in some cases it will even turn him on. 77. You have to show that you won’t accept mistreatment. Then you will keep his respect.

 

Attraction principle 76:

He’ll never respect you as being able to hold your own unless you can stand on your own two feet financially.

 

Attraction principle 80:

The ability to choose how you want to live, and the ability to choose how you want to be treated are the two things that give you more power than any material object ever will.

 

Attraction principle 83:

Regardless of how pretty a woman is, looks alone will not sustain his respect. Appearance may pull him in, but it is your independence that will keep him turned on.

 

Attraction principle 97 and 98:

-A “yes” woman who gives too much sends the impression that she believes in the man more than she believes in herself. Men view this as weakness not kindness.

-Be an independent thinker at all times, and ignore anyone who attempts to define you in a limiting way.

 

Attraction principle 99:

Truly powerful people don’t explain why they want respect. They simply don’t engage someone who doesn’t give it to them.

 

I’m conflicted between a few of the principles as to what’s the real reason why men love bitches. If you’ve read the book already you’d notice that I haven’t included any principles about sexual intimacy.

I’ve  chosen the points in a way that encourage women to be self-assured, in all honesty, a man genuinely loves a woman who transcends beyond physical beauty, material objects, and sex. A man loves a woman who has a life of her own and really doesn’t rely on his presence for her existence.

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